I Live Next To My Harasser.
The American Dream is a nightmare for me.
The Saga. Some backstory:
I managed to buy a little house in the Midwest in 2012. I struggled with bad credit scores and an ‘interesting’ work history but by 2012, I had been working for the same online company for six years and I was making decent money.
I spent some time in a transient state, moving around a bit so that I could put as much money as possible towards paying off debt and bringing my credit score up to be more attractive to banks.
It worked.
In 2012, after 6 months of dealing with banks regarding a short sale, having my financial life ripped apart monthly and having to ‘get real’ with the mortgage originator, I got a little house.
When I looked at the place for the last time before the closing, the neighbor had two dogs, a pit bull named Blue and a Rottweiler named Rosa. They were nice dogs but my real estate agent was concerned for me.
She had the right instincts but it was not about the dogs.
There is a lot to unpack about this story. So much wrong with everything that has happened. The situation illuminates so much about everyone involved. I guess people like my neighbor have to live somewhere and it just so happens I bought the house right next to him.
To say that he is horrible is an understatement. Over the seven years I have lived here, he’s called Code Enforcement on me at least eight times. Every time I light my perfectly legal fire pit, that I should add was here when I moved in, he calls the fire department and declares that he can’t breathe.
He has called me whore, bitch, cunt, stupid, retarded, a ‘mattress monkey’, a slut, a cocksucker, and the list goes on. If you can think of a derogatory word for a woman, then I have been called that by him fairly regularly for the last seven years.
My son has been called a bastard and retarded, all within earshot of his little ears. My husband has been called every name in the book, too.
My husband is probably why all of this got started.
When I moved into this house, it was just me and my son. I got here in late November and spent the winter holed up inside, fixing things, painting, organizing and unpacking.
On the property were several trees. Since I had seen them in the summertime, coming by and such, I knew that there were some issues. Remembering that my mom had a ‘tree guy’, which she was very proud of…coming along in life to be able to have a tree guy, I called her and asked for the referral.
That ‘tree guy’ is now my husband.
Come springtime, my neighbor and I were both outside working on our properties. He said that I had my work cut out for me since the property had been neglected and was in need of care. He was fence-friendly and polite. At one point, he offered me an ‘extra’ circular saw. I said that I had one and didn’t need another. He insisted that I take it.
!!RED FLAG!!
Men don’t give gifts for no reason. (Sorry about the double negative.)
I reluctantly took it and thought, “fuck.”
But that’s as far as it went. He was polite but that was it. I was dating my guy and at some point the neighbor noticed.
He was mentally cock-blocked.
That summer, my neighbor’s son was still living at home. He was high-school aged and enjoyed playing basketball. That wasn’t really a problem. The problem was that they would leave the dogs out for a long time and one of them would stand at the side door and just bark. For an hour. No one would let him in, no one would come get him. He just stood there and barked.
I once had to raise my voice over the sound of the basketball and the barking dog to ask the son to let the dog in. I work from home, sometimes I have to make phone calls and a barking dog in the background is really unprofessional. When I got his attention, he said, “Yeah?” I responded, “Can you let Blue in?”
“Why?”
“Because he’s barking….”
“Oh. Okay.”
And that was that. But it wasn’t. I was then accused of ‘yelling’ at his kid. I had to raise my voice to be heard but once I was, everything else was polite.
Fast forward to August of the same year, Blue is once again barking up a storm at the side door. For reference, our houses here are all WWII era, they have side doors that face each other to be neighborly, I guess. I wish my door faced the backyard, that would be more convenient. Instead, I have to go out the side door, have a mere 5' of distance between my house and his fence, go down two steps and then walk around to the back of the house. Just piss-poor design.
My side door literally lines up with his side door so that’s awesome.
Okay, so, August. I’m sitting at the kitchen table near the window, which is on the same wall as the side door. Blue is barkin’ it up at his side door, and he’s only about 20' away. For about 40 minutes, this goes on. For an adult with ADHD, there are sound sensitivities and incessant barking is one of them but I would assume that would be an issue for anyone.
Instead of being all passive-aggressive and call the cops, I decide to just knock on his door. He’s been polite up to this point, after all.
As I’m walking up his steps to his porch, he sees me through the front window and said, “Get the fuck off my porch, bitch.”
Color me shocked.
I thought, “Someone is having a bad day” and said, “Can you let Blue in? He’s been barking for awhile.”
“I said get the fuck off my porch, bitch” and when he said “bitch” he did this little head nod to the side. It is hard to explain why that stuck with me but it has. He still does it.
I’m sure I said something else that wasn’t polite but I left and called the cops. Right before they rolled up, he let the dog in. All in all, the dog barked for well over an hour…20' from my house…in summer…with the windows open…because I don’t have air conditioning.
And so it began.
The cops assure me that I am not the only one he has problems with. One of the many officers that have been called to my house by me and by my neighbor have mentioned running into this guy elsewhere. He’s just a menace.
In 2013, I got an ex-parte Civil Protection Order that lasted for two years. He cut the shit for those two years but instead of saying nasty things, he would mime nasty things. The CPO expired and I haven’t had it renewed because I need video and audio proof that he continues to harass me. A security system with audio is outside of my budget.
This story is deep and troubling. Other than posting to my private Facebook page to keep a chronological record of his rantings, I don’t talk about this publicly but I think it is time that I do.
This man is scary. The police can do nothing until he hurts me or my children physically. He threatens me with violence. He is verbally abusive. None of our current laws do anything about this because he is my neighbor. This is the kind of guy who eventually shows up on the evening news where neighbors say, “…but he always kept to himself…”
This is not considered in the realm of “domestic violence.” My kids are afraid to play in the backyard. My husband hates it here because he can do very little to make me feel safe when he’s not around.
I know that this man, my neighbor, is a coward at heart. I know this. I am not afraid of him anymore. Just today, I heard my dog barking so I went to let her in and there he was, brushing his teeth in the driveway while his two new dogs, a grey pittie and a reddish-brownish pittie, looked at my dog. I let Betty in and said, “Hi, Brown Dog” and he just let me have it.
Cunt. Whore. Stupid Bitch. Fucking Slut.
…because I said hello to his dog and also just because I exist.
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